| Back at the scene of the crime.
It's been a while since I've been here...reading the things that I had once felt so strongly about, some of which I still feel very strongly about, and assessing how far I've come since then. While my spirit has grown in ways that I never expected, my flesh is still just a child. A selfish, unforgiving little child...and I hate him.
I only came back to see if he had moved since I left...he hasn't. He is dead, just as I left him. I remembered that he had left the password behind, the only remnant that I took with me really. I came back to find him on the floor, in a pool of his own self-hatred, still wet from being spilled so long ago. I took a knee next to my fallen comrade and touched his cold face...his eyes glaring back at me in a perpetual stare. I once loved him...I loved him because I was him. He and I had so much in common then. I know exactly when and where we decided to part ways. Well, I decided to leave, but the feeling was apparently not mutual. He did what he could to hold onto me, clawing at my back as I walked away. I looked back only once on my way out, and he was already on the ground, bleeding, choking and writhing...in my psyche like a wounded snake...he looked up with an outstretched hand, hoping that I might take it and bring him along. Where I was going he could not come, however...and he knew it. In one last attempt, and with every remaining bit of energy that he had, he lifted himself from the floor and threw himself at me from behind, tearing at my throat and eyes ravenously. I quickly turned and took hold of his neck, slamming his head into the wall beside us. Upon impact his eyes opened wide enough for me to see the sadness that had filled his entire being come pouring forth and into me...I felt everything all over again, all the pain, all the nights spent awake, all the dreams shattered, all the disapointments and failures, all the tears shed for reasons unknown, all the wishing and never receiving...and it reminded me of why I had to do it...his body went limp and I was forced to release the grip that I held on him...he slid down the wall and onto the floor, where he convulsed for moment...and at the moment of his demise, I felt a distinct change in the atmosphere...something was immediately different, though not everything had changed. I looked around at the walls that I had called home for so long while I was there with him...and now that he was gone, I had nowhere to go but out. That is how -1219 died, ultimately... |
